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Oh dear lord, I've cracked...

I had a vivid dream this morning that I was the back-up goaltender for the Vancouver Canucks. By which I mean, I did not dream that I was Johann Hedberg or Alex Auld (the actual back-up goalies), or even some other random guy, but rather that I, personally, was filling in as the back-up.

Now, I grant you -- a certain snarky type of fan would at this point say, "a 35-year-old woman from Boston with no skating experience could hardly be worse than the Canucks' two regular goalies have been this month". But I'm actually not the kind of fan who rags on the goalies alone when the team is in a slump. Yes, the goalies have been atrocious, and apparently they could not stop a beach-ball, let alone the puck; but the abysmal D bears some of the blame for letting the good scoring chances get through, and if the offense was actually able to score, then the games might still be saved. But the upshot is that the Canucks are a sad little demoralized hockey club as we hit the final stretch before the play-offs.

However (and how's this for ironic?), I also was not very good as a goalie. Which is to be expected, I think. In that way of dreams, we were playing on an open, grassy field. I think it was actually a soccer field, because the net behind me certainly felt as big as a soccer net. And yet I was moving around on skates, as if on ice (and thinking to myself, hey, I'm not doing too badly at this, considering the last time I was on ice-skate was when I was about 11; and the last and only time I was on rollerblades, I broke my damned arm). Dream, right, check.

Despite the fact that there was a game going on, there were a lot of other people who felt free to wander around the field and do their own thing. I had taken over for Hedberg (he's #1 at the moment because the actual #1 is out with a day-to-day injury), who was still lurking around for some reason. And I almost immediately let a puck dribble past me. I swear to god, I turned around and just sort of watched as it arced past, knowing even at the time that it was a save that even I should have easily made. And the first thing to pop into my head was, "Well, there goes my shut-out."

At the end of the first period, I called everyone on the field over and announced that I was very sorry, but for the rest of the game I was going to have to enforce the rule that nobody should be in my goal-crease, because clearly I needed less distraction. The goal-crease was as big as a typical soccer crease, and there were people wandering around and picnicking in it. I stressed, though, that it wasn't that I was blaming the first goal on their distracting me -- I admitted it was simply an awful collapse on my part. But I was thinking ahead to trying to prevent any goals from being scored in the second and third periods, and I'd realized I was going to need all the help I could get.

I never did find out how it all turned out. I woke up while we were still between periods, and it had started to rain, and I was wondering how that was going to affect the game. I'm not even sure who we were playing. And isn't it sad that a fan of a team that is in a slump, who is obviously concerned about the way the team is playing, can't do any better than to dream up something that even in the dream doesn't do the team any good? Wouldn't it make more sense for me to dream about being some awesome star goalie? (Actually, even in the dream, I remember thinking to myself, "Why do I want to be a goalie? I don't want to be a goalie! Who in their right mind would want to be a goalie?")

Final note: for all those of you who have suffered through two essay-length posts from me in the past two days, I apologize. What you need to do is email me and tell me how I can do that thing where you write a single line on the main entries page and it links to a longer essay on the comments page. And while you're at it, help me figure out how to create links out of words within the text of a post.

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Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
eregyrn
Mar. 24th, 2004 07:31 am (UTC)
Okay, is that just a very Zen-like answer? Or did you type something that didn't come through? Or do you actually mean that if I put three blank carriage-returns in a post, LJ will somehow read that as an instruction to cut?

(Thought for the day: how many people out there, especially on LJ, actually call them "carriage-returns", or even know what the hell that means?)
(Deleted comment)
eregyrn
Mar. 24th, 2004 07:50 am (UTC)
Okay, okay, I dig. Although (one cannot be too literal), riddle me this: should there actually be quotation marks around the inserted text?

(I may just try out this Rich Text thing. It sounds like it would be helpful.)

Not that all of you would have to miss a single rambling WORD of my essays, they'd just be...less of a gigantic text-anvil clotting up your Friends lists.
my_tallest
Mar. 24th, 2004 08:35 am (UTC)
No quotations around the whole of the essay, no. And, there's a closing "< /lj-cut >" tag (sans spaces) that you can use to end the cut, and put more stuff that will show on the main page after the cut. So in effect, the open "quotation mark" is "< lj-cut text="blah" >" with the closing "quotation mark" being "< /lj-cut >"

I must also highly recommend the LJ FAQs. My memory sucks, and it's a helpful page to have open in another window while you're writing something with new HTML/LJ tags. And may I recommend the whole LJ Help menu, all found from that helpful bar on the main LJ page.
owlfish
Mar. 24th, 2004 12:30 pm (UTC)
For your future convenience, you can use &< and &> to replace the < and > signs and avoid having to deal with all the extra quotes and spaces.

So <lj-cut text="text which forms the link on the main page">

becomes &lt;lj-cut text="text which forms the link on the main page"&gt;
owlfish
Mar. 24th, 2004 12:32 pm (UTC)
This just shows how unintuitive the replacements are - I had it display correctly the second time around at least, if not the first!

&lt; becomes <

&gt; becomes >
maxineofarc
Mar. 24th, 2004 07:36 am (UTC)
I like your essays.
raqs
Mar. 24th, 2004 01:19 pm (UTC)
I cannot believe that after seventeen years of memorizing useless computer shit, I now have YET ANOTHER new computer toy for which I will have to remember yet more useless shit.

I still have HTML tags in my brain lobes from 1996, people. That shit doesn't come out.

As for on-topic-ness:

I find it absolutely impossible to believe that you are not dating Canada.

Seriously, dude, if you want to find someone to date, clearly you simply have to find someone who is 1) as obsessed with hockey as you and 2) willing to listen to you rabbit on about hockey. How hard can this possibly be to find?

Start hanging out in sports bars. On game night.

You WILL attract the right element.

Or, possibly, move to Canada.
eregyrn
Mar. 24th, 2004 01:34 pm (UTC)
Well, Trevor Linden *is* my new Virtual Boyfriend. (And he's even a reasonable age! Wrong actual marital status, alas. But the Canadian accent is actually cute, which is a plus. I would not be averse to, as you say, dating Canada.)

And it did not escape my attention when I got into this the built-in advantages it might confer vis-a-vis the whole dating situation. Although, I'd like to point out that just in my immediate circle of friends, the guys continue to look at me as if I've grown a second head when I talk about hockey, whereas a significant percentage of the women have been willing to indulge the interest, including such things as going to a game with me.

my_tallest
Mar. 24th, 2004 02:11 pm (UTC)
Still not sure if I'm completely in the "guy" category, but I want to go to a game with you. OK, a disco-themed game, but yeah, I want to go.

And I look at everybody like they have a second head, especially when talking sports figures' names.
my_tallest
Mar. 24th, 2004 02:13 pm (UTC)
It's not much more useless shit, since it's 90% those HTML tags you still have. 1996 rules!

raqs
Mar. 25th, 2004 12:16 pm (UTC)
Well of course. It's in the file marked "You need to know how a starship works." It enables me to rule my world with an iron fist - when I have a world to rule.

Apparently now I also need to learn about TWiki.

And here I thought I just wanted Unix classes. Pheh.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )