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I never learn.....

Just... be warned. I am in *such* a whiny mood, it is not to be believed. And raqs wouldn't let me whine at her. If you too are avoiding spoilers for SG's remainder of S8 or S9 (and good for you if you are, despite my recriminations to raqs), then you'll want to avoid this too. Even though it's really longer on speculation than on facts. But still. (Also, jesus, it's long and rambling.)

Now, here's what I don't understand.

Although I look at spoilers sometimes, I am not a spoiler-hunter. So I generally don't see spoilers unless somebody on LJ or my mailing lists posts it, and I look; or unless it makes it to an outlet like Gateworld or SciFiWire (or recently, of course, TV Guide); I'm not, like, haunting various forums or groups geared towards spoilers.

What I don't get? Why it's getting so late towards when production of SG S9 starts, and we've had no official word about the status of RDA/Jack.

When the news about Ben Browder joining the cast for S9 broke, it appeared in TV Guide and then fairly promptly was announced on the above two "news" sources, which for me, make it absolutely, positively official. I figure, if the news is "real" (verified, official), then it will be reported on one or both of those sources. (Gateworld tends to report more minutiae than SciFiWire, but they're pretty good at identifying the source of what they post.)

In the week between Xmas and NYs, I heard on one of my lists (but didn't go to verify on my own) that TV Guide reported as fact that RDA wasn't coming back for S9. (At all? Or, not as a regular? There wasn't enough detail and that was still in question.) So since then, I've been watching other news sources for the show quite closely, wanting confirmation/clarification. (I almost said "hoping for", but of course, what I was *hoping* for was better news than that.) But... nothing. No announcement on Gateworld or SFW. Which I found... weird. It isn't like the question of signing RDA or not isn't big news. Subsequently, Gateworld (and sometimes SFW) has reported other S9 news -- like what's up with AT, finally, or CB being in the first five eps. (Aside: I remember them reporting that MS was signed. I don't remember them reporting that CJ ever was. At the moment I'll assume I missed that in some earlier announcement about S9 confirmation? I had thought from the start that CJ was confirmed for S9.)

Today, on one of my lists, there was a pointer to Gateworld forums, where Joe Mallozzi, in a Q&A thread, commented amongst other things something like, "as you will have heard by now, there will be a new general to replace Jack at the SGC, but we're still casting for that role".

"As [I] will have heard by now..." *where*, exactly? Well, I guess maybe, in some other thread in the forum? I couldn't find the initial announcement of it, but, here's the thing -- still no announcement on SFW. Still no article on Gateworld with the pertinent details and sources. It's not like JM isn't a good source, after all! Duh. But everything is still a little cryptic to me; I just want to, you know, *know*.

On the other hand, this is not necessarily a plea for more information. (The point is wanting not to have to sift through tidbits heard in various places, I just want the scoop from what I consider to be a fairly official source, in the sense of, "if it's being reported at GW, then it's probably a done deal".) (Oh, and may I just say, going by BB's interview at GW -- I still adore this guy, I really like his outlook and attitude, and despite everything else I *am* looking forward to seeing what happens when he joins the cast.)

No, what this is, is whining. Venting.

I feel stupid. And I *HATE* feeling stupid. I hate it almost more than anything else, except for feeling like maybe *others* think I'm being stupid, you know? (Which is why actually writing this and posting it is... kind of unusual for me, as normally, when I feel this stupid, I try very hard to hide it and to hide why, so that others won't know and think I'm stupid too. But I also kind of feel the need to externalize, and as I said, raqs won't let me use her to externalize to, so you guys get it instead. If you continue reading this far, that is.)

I feel stupid because... I feel sad. No, really, I genuinely feel depressed, both by not knowing for sure what's going on with RDA/Jack in S9, and by being unable to stop speculating as to what that means for how the show will dispose of the character (by which I don't mean, "throw away" or "get rid of entirely", but rather, what his disposition will be).

I hate that. Feeling depressed about it, I mean. I hate the fact that apparently it *can* affect me even when [a] I don't *know* a damned thing, and [b] it's just fiction and honestly it shouldn't matter that much to me. I hate admitting that I've given it that much of a hold over me.

But there it is. I'm all weepy and upset and desperately wishing that I could think of *anything* that would cheer me up, and I really can't think of a damned thing.

I'm really not even sure exactly why I'm so struck by this, *right now* (except I kind of think PMS might have something to do with it, as I really never get this weepy except due to hormones). I mean, you may say, in fairness, "it's not like this comes as a huge shock". No, of course it doesn't -- I've been watching this story for months and obviously knew that it was seriously up in the air whether RDA would be around for "4 episodes", or not at all. I guess, apparently, that one thing I'd been doing as a coping mechanism was putting my hopes in little tidbits (like Ron Cooper, I think it was, saying earlier that O'Neill would remain a part of the SG 'verse), and hoping that they could work out a deal in the end that would get RDA back for a limited (but hopefully well-used) number of guest spots, and that they'd dispose of the character in a way that would facilitate that, a way that I could be happy about, a way that would have possibilities in it (for the fanfic writers, even if the show didn't use most of them). I guess I also really was in stronger denial than I thought about some of the rumors regarding one way that might be done.

I guess I'm depressed right now just because, with the indication of replacing Jack at the SGC entirely, I kind of feel like... some of the rumors I've been hoping wouldn't be true now have a greater chance of being true. And that makes me sad, because of all the ways in the last 4 years or so that I wanted to see the character left at the end, Those Rumors really, REALLY weren't one of them. (These would be the "retire and marry Sam" rumors, if you're keeping score; and the funny thing is, I didn't want to see that even when I first got involved in the fandom and thought of myself as equally open to 'ship as to slash.) In addition, depending of course on how they do it, I'm just worried about what this says about the character's arc overall.

(At the end of S7 and start of S8, I felt like Jack's promotion and being put in charge of the SGC was a nice way to develop the character, in recognition of what he's been to the overall story of the show all along. Very much depending on the reasons and how they play it, I am wary of the idea of being able to look back on this and say, "Jack was a great field commander for 7 years, then he got promoted and put in charge, and he couldn't handle it, so he had to retire...or something". The idea alone is kind of interesting, but I've spent too many years arguing too passionately to those who like to bash the character that he's competent and admirable, to want to see his arc end on this "couldn't hack it" note.)

Of course, a lot -- everything, really -- depends on *how* they do it. And about how they're going to do it, I know nothing, really. So it's silly to get depressed just because I'm thinking of the possibilities and trying to guess what's more probable and what's not. Meh.

And... I guess I'm also depressed because I feel like... Jack's going to leave the show, and nobody's going to notice or care, because BB will be such a shiny new toy, and the prospect of BB's char. /Daniel is so pyroclastically hot, that everybody will jump on that as much as everybody has jumped on SGC, and it'll be all, "Jack who?"

And I hate the psychology that goes into thinking a lot of this, and that makes me mad at myself and feel stupid, and... see above.

I think it's the "Jack who?" thing that really upsets me, because I'll never, never feel like that. The truth is that I know that there will be people who care deeply that he's gone -- I'm on mailing lists with some of those people, and I can't talk to *them* any more either because I can't be as absolute about the show as they're willing to be. It's like S6 -- you know, much as I say outright that I disagree with many things that the SDJ people stood for, honestly, I *like* Daniel. A whole lot. (It's merely that it's Jack, not Daniel, who revs my motor.) I was indeed sad that he went away (possibly for good), but I watched S6, liked Jonas, couldn't understand the vilification, etc. At least, the attitude of the Jack Fans I've seen hasn't gotten to that vilification level (not that I've witnessed so far, that is), but I *have* heard many say they won't watch S9 if Jack's not in it.

I'm not like that. I'm going to watch S9, I hope it'll be good. But I don't think there will be a moment where I personally won't be missing Jack terribly. And going back to something I was saying above -- even more than not wanting to see the consummation of the ship storyline made canon (which would have made a lot more sense at the end of S5, say, than I think it does now, but that's another discussion), what I think I never, ever wanted for the disposition of the show and the character Jack was the idea of being in this "Jack who?" situation.

I hate even *saying* things like, "for me, Jack is the heart of the show", but yeah, he is. That's personal, and I don't expect everyone to feel the same, though.

Something else that factors in for me, I guess, is that participation in the fandom and reading the fanfic really has become a big part of my enjoyment of the show. Honestly, really good fanfic *has* been sustaining me through the past two seasons worth of decreasing Jack involvement (and uneven Jack use/writing). I think one of the things that depressed me about the Shiny New Toy and "Jack who?" worries is... the fear of die-off of people being interested in writing about Jack (not just because of the Shiny New Toy distraction, but also because out of sight becomes out of mind). I feel like... man, if the end of Jack's character-arc is something I don't like, and if S9 is as Jack-less as I fear, I am going to need great fanfic more than ever... but, irrationally, unfairly, I'm afraid that it'll be kind of like the explosion of interest in SGA: there'll be fanfic, but it won't be what I'm looking for. (And jeez, how selfish and stupid is that?)

So, that's me. Irrational and stupid and inconsolable over something the particulars of which I don't even know yet.

You would think I would have learned before now about the other side of the double-edge of spoilers. I guess the same is just true of fandom, generally. It's loads of fun. But it can also bite you in the ass.



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 16th, 2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
i have never been able to resist spoilers or pondering. :)

and i identify with that 'feeling stupid' feeling you described. i've been checking out gateworld and wondering what was going on as well. and i *care* that jack might not be there.

i rely heavily on fanfic to keep the story and the characters alive for me; and i'm optomistic that the writers hereabouts in LJ-land won't forget him or the role he plays in the story.

which isn't to say i don't love and enjoy the show, but fanfic has been a haven for me. a way to enjoy what is not getting examined in the 40 something minutes between commercials. it's one of the reason i'm enjoying the pegasus B universe too; it's another iteration of potential that keeps the characters alive.

so i don't think you're stupid. and i believe *very* strongly that the mythology and story telling of a culture is a vital part of life and experience. the concept and the characters can become a filter. i can't even imagine a life without reading, without story and characters.

for me, instead of becoming a way to avoid "real life" it's a way to metabolize much of what life hands me. this is so hard to articulate. *sigh and a hug*
Jan. 17th, 2005 07:23 am (UTC)
I know, I know -- I don't mean to imply that I think others don't care, when I know darned well that quite a number of people on my flist *do* care and have said so. I'm just saying, how it sometimes *feels*, irrationally.

And I meant to mention PegB and how I could hug the stuffing out of Salieri for it. It truly does make me happy and it's just what I needed, and I would never have come up with the idea, nor could I have launched it in a way that made it so compelling for so many people.

This *was* a very stupid and wanky post, though. Don't be surprised if I get rid of it later. Thanks for the *hugs*, though. I feel a little better now. A combo of PMS and also, watching Alton Brown host "Iron Chef America" helps. (Although, the biggest problem with Iron Chef? I always, always, even if I eat dinner while watching it, desperately want to try whatever they're cooking and I CAN'T.)

Jan. 17th, 2005 03:03 pm (UTC)
i do know what you mean. sometimes even if i know something intellectually, i still have a hard time taking it in emotionally. especially when i'm feeling uncomfortable or that i've lost something important.

and peg b feels like it's unfolding like a fractal....wonderful iterations that are still familiar in their foundations.

as for the chef...i make the mistake of watching the great hotels show on a sunday morning. then i want to *be* at the hotel and having whatever meal they're showing too. although ten course chefs special at the ritz in new orleans looked a bit over the top. ;)

glad you're feeling better. and i still don't think it was stupid. i rely on characters to be present in a show i love, and i know i look for something that i can rely on 'being there'. although it's very hard for me to articulate this. *sigh*
Jan. 19th, 2005 07:20 am (UTC)
So, that's me. Irrational and stupid and inconsolable over something the particulars of which I don't even know yet.

Oh! Poor little orca! Don't be sad!

Trust me when I tell you that you are totally on top of things; and that if you aren't, it's because TPTB have failed you or because the fact you seek is in fact not known.

I saw an SG-1 magazine in the bookstore the other day and didn't buy it (despite the nice pull-out picture) because I knew all the info in it--they were talking about "if SG-1 is renewed for Season 9," and I'm like, "Duh, yes, tell me something I don't know." The media is behind the Internet, and the Internet doesn't have verifiable info. But I'm with you: if it appears in certain media sources, then it's true. And if it doesn't, then it's just a rumor.

I find myself not caring about SG-1. I watched for Jack. If he's not in it, I'll watch it because the eps are good on the level of story, but the other characters don't do it for me. I could change my mind. Maybe the Daniel/[Ben Browder] slash--or, heck, the Teal'c/[Ben Browder] slash--will be to die for. I'm three or four eps behind, and I don't even care, even though I have them all right here.

Personally, I'm wishing they would have cast Adam Baldwin instead of Browder, but...you knew I was going to say that, didn't you?
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )